Bird in Hand

“They’re not going to arrest me for that.”

Craig Sullivan, Quoted as saying shortly before his arrest

Photo by Luca Venturi (Creative Commons)

Question: When is a bird capable of getting a guy in a whole lot of trouble? Answer: When it’s not a bird at all.

Earlier this month, Craig Sullivan landed himself in jail after “flipping the bird” at his ex-girlfriend from across a parking lot in Belfast, Maine (population 6,692). As it turns out, his ex had a restraining order and called the police. In response, Mr. Sullivan retorted, “They’re not going to arrest me for that.” They did. The restraining order protected Mr. Sullivan’s ex from both direct and indirect contact, obscene gestures included.

While arresting Mr. Sullivan, the police found a pot pipe in his pants and ended up charging him with possession of drug paraphernalia in addition to violation of the restraining order. You might say that with the arrest police were able to kill two birds with one stoner.

Read more → Abigail Curtis, Morrill man arrested after flipping the bird at ex-girlfriend, Bangor Daily News, February 9, 2012.

Tanks a Lot

“We’re going to have our own tank.”

Kendall Lane, Mayor of Keene, New Hampshire

Photo from Lemco

The town of Keene, New Hampshire (population 22,420) nearly has it all—everything a small town could want to protect its citizens: fire department, law enforcement and a tank. A tank? Yep, a tank. Or, rather, an “armored personnel vehicle,” which is built like a tank and can be used as one.

The city council received a nearly $386,000 federal grant to purchase the tank and was ready to move full-steam ahead with the purchase when the citizens of Keene put on the brakes. Five hundred signed a petition to block the purchase, and 100 packed the February council meeting to voice their concerns. At the top of their list is the fact that the town has little to be concerned about—crime is nearly nonexistent. And residents object to the idea of a “free” tank, pointing out that taxpayers like themselves are paying for it.

The town council is reviewing the issue and will make a final decision next month. But members don’t expect to change their minds. Either way, protecting the residents in Keene could turn out to be a “tankless” job.

Read more → Radley Balko, Police ‘tank’ purchase riles New Hampshire town, Huffington Post, February 16, 2012.

Sticky Situation

“What happened to having dogs and cats?”

James Stroope, Sheriff’s investigator

Photo by QuantumButterfly

Call off the all-points bulletin—the slippery stowaway has been caught. And that has everyone in Brownwood, Texas (population 18,837) breathing a little easier, with good reason. After all, the stowaway was a two-foot-long, highly venomous cobra snake.

The snake’s adventure began when its owner was arrested on drug charges in January. After initially lying to authorities, the man admitted there a was a cobra loose in his house. Investigators who had been searching the house for drugs were not pleased. They called off their search and called in the snake experts.

The experts searched the house high and low. No luck. They sprinkled flour on the floor to track the snake. Still no luck. Finally, they put out glue boards and their efforts were rewarded. After a month-long search, the experts snagged their snake. And how did they remove the poisonous and perturbed cobra from the glue board? Very carefully . . . and with lots of vegetable oil.

This story has a happy ending. No one was hurt, and the snake will not be sharing the fate of it owner—time behind bars. Instead, it’s been adopted by a wildlife group, which says the snake will live out its days as “ambassador for responsible pet ownership.”

Read more:

■  Brennan K. Peel, Ssssssstill missing: Cobra on the loose in Brownwood, ReporterNews.com, January 20, 2012.

■  Steve Nash, Sunset monocle cobra leaves Brownwood for new home in Abilene, Brownwood Bulletin, February 16, 2012.

A Well of a Problem

“It’s a jumbled mess.”

Robert Libra, Iowa state geologist

Photo by Joachim Huber

What’s a tall, cool glass of water worth to you? The folks in Manson, Iowa (population 1,618) are about to find out. Their two wells are going dry. Townspeople have been pulling water from them for about 100 years, so they can’t complain. But drilling a new well is another story.

Manson sits atop a crater created by a humongous meteorite that crashed to Earth 74 million years ago. The meteorite was 10 billion tons and a mile and a half around. The crater it left spans 24 miles. And that’s a problem for the folks in Manson wanting to drill a well. Although the massive crater filled in ages ago and now looks like any other flat field in northwest Iowa, underneath it’s a jumble of rocks, boulders, and air pockets. This makes it tough to find water with enough pressure to satisfy the needs of a small town. Manson drilled a well late last year but came up dry. They’ll try again. But it isn’t cheap.

So, again the question is: what’s a tall, cool glass of water worth to you? For the town of Manson, experts estimate the answer is $1 million to $2 million.

Read more → Perry Beeman, 74 million years later, meteorite causing headaches for Iowa town, Des Moines Register, February 15, 2012.

Brotherly Brew

“From man’s work and God’s goodness, beer came into the world.”

Saint Arnold, Patron Saint of Beer

Photo from Monastery of Christ in the Desert

There’s a new beer a-brewin’ in Abiquiu, New Mexico (population 13), but this isn’t the tale of an ordinary ale. This beer is made with “care and prayer” by Benedictine monks at the Monastery of Christ in the Desert. Although it’s not unusual to find monks making beer in Europe—the world’s oldest continually operating brewery was founded in 1040 by Benedictine monks—it is uncommon in this country. There are only a handful of brotherly breweries. The monks make the beer to sell and fund their monastery, and they have been known to imbibe on occasion, too. But, as with all things Benedictine, they drink their home brew only after meditation and in moderation.

Read more:

■  Bob Batz Jr., U.S. monastery brews return after a century, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, February 16, 2012.

■  Monastery of Christ in the Desert website