Magic Beans?

“To me, weeds are weeds.”

Alberta Kelley, Connellsville, Pennsylvania

Photo by Coy!

For grandmother Alberta Kelley of Connellsville, Pennsylvania (population 8,341), it was like living in a fairy tale. But not in a good way. Just like the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, Ms. Kelley met a stranger who gave her mystery seeds. The man promised they’d produce beautiful flowers. Ms. Kelley took the seeds home, put them in the soil, and tended her garden. The seeds produced plants that grew like a weed. As it turns out, they were weed—marijuana, that is. Ms. Kelley didn’t get flowers, but she did get a visit from the police, and an arrest warrant. Ms. Kelley defended her honor in court last week—arguing that she’d never seen pot plants so she didn’t know she was growing them—and the jury found her not guilty. Ms. Kelley plans to return to gardening in the spring, but she’s learned her lesson: don’t talk to strangers who tell tall tales.

Read more → Ashlie Hardway, She didn’t know they were marijuana seeds, Channel 4 Action News, WTAE-TV, January 5, 2012.

Fed Up

“I don’t appreciate Joe Blow coming in here and whoring around

the dining room for votes.”

Jeremy Colby, Owner of Colby’s Breakfast & Lunch

Today is primary day, finally, in New Hampshire, and at least one restaurant owner is fed up with the politicians. Jeremy Colby, owner of Colby’s Breakfast & Lunch in Portsmouth, New Hampshire (population 20,579), says that when politicians and their entourage dine at his 10-table restaurant, they block out other customers and overstay their welcome. He finds it ironic that while the candidates are talking up the importance of small businesses, they’re shutting down his business. So Mr. Colby has banned all politicians from his restaurant—he posted a homemade sign that says “No Politicians No Exceptions” on his front door. After the primaries today Mr. Colby can get back to business as usual and maybe even take down his sign. But he might want to keep it nearby. Too soon the November elections will be here, and the politicians will be back.

Read more → Charles McMahon, Colby’s restaurant bans candidates from ‘whoring around’ for votes, SeacoastOnline.com, January 4, 2012.

Term Unlimited

“I’m not going to serve 50 more years I’ll tell ya.”

Virgil Harms, Mayor of Paoli, Colorado

Virgil Harms, 50-year mayor of Paoli, Colorado
Photo by Joe Amon, Denver Post

Virgil Harms is the kind of guy who if you ask him to do a job, he’ll stick with it for the long haul. Mr. Harms is mayor of Paoli, Colorado (population 42), and he’s been on the job for 50 years. That’s a long time for a guy who never really wanted the job and never has been elected. Back in 1961 the current mayor asked Mr. Harms to step in as mayor pro-temp to sign a liquor license. When that mayor died a few months later, Mr. Harms’ long tenure began. The town thought about holding an election in 1974 but nixed the idea when it found out it could cost $6,000. Mr. Harms doesn’t know if what they’ve done all these years is legal—what with elections, term limits, and all—but says he’ll happily step down if someone else wants the job. And he hopes at some point someone does. Mr. Harms doesn’t plan to spend the next 50 years in office.

Read more:

■  Kevin Torres, 50 years in office, Colorado’s accidental mayor, 9 News, December 11, 2011.

■  Monte Whaley, In Colorado, Paoli Mayor Virgil Harms’ 50 years in office puts him “at the top of the heap,” Denver Post, December 10, 2011.

Faux Name Forbidden

“Horse Meat Forbidden in Japanese has a certain ring to it.”

Dan Ehl, Editor of the Kalona News

Photo by Karla Campos

What’s a name worth? In Kalona, Iowa (population 2,511), about $681. That was top bid when the town put the naming rights for the creek currently known as “West Drainage Ditch” on eBay. They did it to find a more fitting name for the creek that runs through town and to raise funds to replace sidewalks. The winning name, “Baniku Kinshi Creek,” was submitted by “Phil from Virginia,” who said he placed the bid for a Japanese friend in honor of her great-grandfather. Not true. The folks in Iowa, who are not as gullible as recent political pundits suggest, did a little investigating and found that Baniku Kinshi means “Horse Meat Forbidden” and the winning bidder was actually “Phil from PETA”—People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. The town declined the name, and the creek is back on eBay, where it will remain West Drainage Ditch until a new name is approved by the Kalona Town Council and the U.S. Board on Geographic Names.

Read more:

■  Kalona’s creek will not be named Horse Meat Forbidden in Japanese, Kalona News, December 26, 2011.

■  Stephanie Wise, Creek’s naming rights to hit eBay again, Iowa City Press Citizen, December 23, 2011.

Blink

“They called us out on the street for a gunfight, and we were ready.”

Daniel Roupp, Cogan House Township Supervisor

Photo by Christopher Koppes

Talk about a showdown. The little township of Cogan House, Pennsylvania (population 974) faced off against the giant gas-drilling company Range Resources, and Range blinked. It all started when Range began drilling near Cogan House in April. The township welcomed Range and its jobs, but the town’s gravel road, which previously saw maybe 10 vehicles a day, was now handling 200 tractor-trailers per day. The road was deteriorating quickly, and rainwater runoff was flowing into environmentally sensitive streams. Cogan House asked Range for help maintaining the road, but Range turned a deaf ear. The state stepped in and ordered the township to close the road to trucks over six tons. It tried. It posted signs and erected barricades, but Range drivers ignored the signs and drove through the barricades. So the Cogan House Township supervisor, a former lumberjack, did the only thing he could. He fired up his chainsaw and felled six trees along the road, blocking all traffic. This got Range’s attention. The company has started repairing the road, the trees have been cleared, the trucks are rolling again, and all is right in the little township of Cogan House.

Read more → Amy Worden, Small town takes on big gas firm over road repairs, The Philadelphia Inquirer, December 30, 2011.

Big Bang for Their Ducks

“It’s really quiet so any gunshot every 10 minutes 

I would consider a serious disturbance.”

Paul Zuest, Manager of Chatham Bars Inn

Eider duck    Photo by Tony Hisgett

Charming Chatham, Massachusetts (population 1,659) doesn’t look like a battleground, but it’s found itself on the frontlines of the eider duck wars. Every fall, thousands of eider ducks flock to Chatham Harbor to feast on the mussels living there. This feeding frenzy has turned into a call to arms for fishermen, who say they could be enjoying an economic boom from harvesting the mussels if only the ducks would stop eating them. Fishermen have turned to the town for help, which decided to try “air cannons” to frighten the ducks away. This decision has scared up opposition from area resort and home owners, who are up in arms about the possible effects of cannons kabooming from dawn until dusk. They’ve mounted an offensive to keep the cannons at bay and hope to find an ally in the Massachusetts Audubon Society, which owns a wildlife sanctuary nearby that offers refuge to, among other birds, the eider duck. The town concedes air cannons may not be the best idea and is willing to look at alternatives. In the meantime, while the humans battle it out, the eider ducks happily munch on mussels in Chatham Harbor.

Read more → Doreen Leggett, Chatham resort sounds off about air cannons, Wicked Local Cape Cod, December 21, 2011.

The Case of the Misplaced Marker

“I love a mystery.”

Norma Christensen, Hermiston, Oregon

Photo by Bill Tyne

Who doesn’t love a good mystery? Norma Christensen of Hermiston, Oregon (population 15,325) does, and she’s a bit of a genealogy hound. So when she read about a 19th-century headstone that popped up in a creek in Weston, Oregon (population 695) 20 years ago, and no one’s been able to figure out where it came from, her interest was piqued. The stone was engraved with the names of the deceased, their birth and death dates, and not much else. Armed with this information, Ms. Christensen took to the Internet, digging into genealogy websites and online archives. With the tenacity of a dime novel detective, she tracked down leads until she came up with the name of Athena Cemetery, five miles from where the stone was found. She called the historian in Weston and asked him to check the spot in the cemetery where the headstone should be. He did and, as Ms. Christensen suspected, found nothing but bare ground. After 20 years and 2 weeks, Ms. Christensen cracked the case of the misplaced marker.

Read the article → Samantha Tipler, Oregon Gravestone sleuth who ‘loves a mystery’ finds home for misplaced marker, The East Oregonian, December 10, 2011.